Helping Children Say Goodbye from Afar
Children cope best when you are honest about the death of a loved one. Use the words “dying” and “dead.” Young children can be confused by vague terms like “in a better place” or “went away.” Reading a children’s book about death can help, such as The Goodbye Book by Todd Parr for younger children, and Lifetimes by Mellonie & Ingpen for older children. Fire in my Heart, Ice in my Veins by Enid Traisman is an interactive journal for grieving teens.
Children need opportunities to say goodbye to a loved one who is dying. Visiting in the hospital may not always be possible. Sometimes a video chat or phone call is possible. You can also help your child express their thoughts and emotions through play. Here are some ideas of other ways to “say goodbye.”
- Write a letter to your loved one. You can have someone at the hospital read it out loud for you.
- Draw a picture of your loved one.
- Write a poem or a song about them. Share it out loud – alone, for your family, or make a recording to send to the hospital.
- Read a book or poem that reminds you of your loved one.
- Choose a special item that belonged to your loved one that you can keep. (Make sure this item is safe, durable, and age appropriate if your child is young.)
- Choose a piece of clothing that belonged to your loved one. You can wear it, or make it into a pillow.
- Make a list of things you learned from your loved one.
- Plant a tree, flower, or bury a time capsule. Make a stone garden in memory of your loved one.
- Try out an activity or hobby that your loved one used to enjoy.
- Look at photos of your loved one. Make a scrapbook. Talk about your memories of them.
- Listen to music that reminds you of your loved one. Make a playlist of their favorite songs.
These ideas are just a place to start. There are as many creative ideas to say goodbye to a loved one as there are children to remember them. Ask your child what they would like to do to say goodbye, to grieve, and to remember their loved one.